I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
