just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize