You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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