I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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