y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I could fuck to npr.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
