1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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