she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
