just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
