I heard we made out
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
