I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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