I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
