i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
