i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
