Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
