Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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