drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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