Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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