Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
