She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize