Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
