i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She's the barista slut.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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