no, he came in my armpit
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
