is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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