Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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