i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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