that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
