Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
