Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
