ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need water and some morals
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
