I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
