Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
