he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
