You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
