I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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