Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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