her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize