why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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