I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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