we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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