Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
