Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
then he tried to convert me to islam
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Randomize
