I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize