i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
