whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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