dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
