IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize