I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
