i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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