I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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