I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize