You're so nebulous sometimes
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
