I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
