i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
