You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
