Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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