Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
