Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
