i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
