i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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