I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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