it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
