Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
