I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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