I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
