He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He felt like a one man threesome
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
