She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They took my balls.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
MIDGETS
????
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
