Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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